Today, at 5:05pm my little Ashur turned 2!!!! Holy jesus!!! I mean, I KNOW he's two, they dont get away with that for very long, but two YEARS, REALLY????

I had my first solo postpartum homevisit today. Everyone was beautiful, nothing but perfection! I felt very much like the big girl ;) Only annoyance, seems the men in my life thought it would be a great idea to take my stethoscope apart... Luckily the infant side was still on, everyone got a giggle at me taking Mom's BP with my baby scope... Hey, it works ;)

I have a day long waterbirth seminar tomorrow in goshen IN. It's only 2.5 hours from us, but I have to leave tonight since the damn thing starts at 7:45am. (I know, whoTF starts that early?!?!) Originally I was going to go alone, but seeing as it's only an hour from lake michigan I think everyone will go and all the Men will spend the day at the beach!! If it looks like it's going to rain, then I do go by myself... Either way, we are getting a break from the mundane ;)

I have no connection to the outside world `cept the everycoupledays news paper and NPR... Seems there are food riotsand shortages? F'n sweet... Also seems that costco and sams are keeping an eye on how much rice you buy... Can't have peopple stocking up now can you?... Im happy to report that the years of paranoia about this very situation have prepared me. I know no less than 20 wild food sources that are plentiful enough, and local enough to sustain my family should the need arise. I can also purify the most putrid water to the tune of 60 liters in 2 minutes. Outside of tooting my own horn (wink) this is to let all the local folks know that if shit gets out of control, you have a safehouse. I might put you to work hauling water, but at that point it would be well worth it, lol ;)

Well, I think that's all the random crap I've had floating around... Not much, but can't hurt to get it out either... Oh yeah.. Im NOT pregnant, we had a scare, so far so good... After the next visit from the aunt Im getting my sweet ass up to the P.Phood for an IUD... 4-real :P

Sunday night I got called to a birth. This was the first time I was sent ahead, labor sitting as we call it. I was excited and happy to know that I have that level of trust. Everything was fine when I got there... The birth, not so much. Everyone is doing great, but it was another harry situation, all that good stuff..

Anyway. I went to sleep at 11:30pm, got the call at 3am,got there at 3:45am, did not get home until midnight monday...Yeah... Fell asleep around 12:30, nursed baby twice during the night, Aiden was up at 7am sharp... So, I was up at 7am yesterday, went to bed around 3am, and was woken up this morning at 7:15.....

I just called Scott and told him not to screw around on his way home from work. I can not keep myself awake. I don't remember the last time I was this exhausted, srsly. I feel like I am on the verge of getting pretty sick if I don't go to bed ASAP.

This really freakn sucks. I HATE being this tired. Also have to get my moms house back in order and get all the kids stuff packed up and in the van.. Just thinking about all that is making me want to cry...

*head desk*

Uhhhmmmmm... It seems there has been a recent upsurge in groping, only this time it's "sanctioned"...

Open source boob project? Are you fucking kidding me? I actually started crying when I read what was going on. These "men", these fucking PIGS thought that they had a RIGHT to ask a woman to touch her BREASTS??? When has it EVER been ok to ask to touch a strangers PRIVATES?!?!??! "Excuse me sir, I would like to touch your testicles, right here in the break room, is that O.K?" Give me a fucking break...

It's very alarming to see that a Woman’s breasts are no longer considered private, no longer hers, a commodity to be openly shared. Wow. Why not ask to sniff her panties? I mean, it's no big deal, not like there's penetration involved, just a little sniff, you know, some guys are hard up these days, throw `em a bone...

I guess when little girls are raised on a culture of porn, where Women's bodies are used to sell everything from cars to golf tees, this shouldn't be surprising. EVERY Woman is touchable. The REAL fucked part is Women are made to feel that it's OK to do something like this. It's JUST her boobs, no big deal!! I mean, if she didn't feel comfortable with it she would say no, because everything is JUST THAT SIMPLE.

I find it hard to believe that in a country with the lowest breastfeeding rate of the westernized world Women are doing this because they are THAT comfortable with their bodies.. Right... They aren't comfortable enough with themselves to NURSE THEIR FUKING BABIES, use their breasts for WHAT THEY ARE INTENDED FOR, but this, THIS is acceptable. Women are ACCOSTED, threatened with ARREST FOR NURSING THIER BABIES IN PIBLIC, BUT NOW, IN PUBLIC HALLWAYS IN PUBLIC OFFICE BUILDINGS THEY ARE BEING GROPED!?!???! Excuse me while my head implodes....

I want to wait outside the office of the men who thought this up. I want to castrate them. How fucking DARE them, how dare they even POSE that question, how do they think they have ANY RIGHT TO ASK!? HAVE WE GONE BACK TO 1951 HERE? Will she get fired if she fucks up the coffee? Better let him feel your tits honey, don't wanna lose your insurance.

If anyone out there is going to try to defend any aspect of this, please, save your breath. Instead, let’s meet in an alley somewhere, bring a pointed stick, broken glass, whatever you want.. This is no longer a topic for discussion; this is now grounds for an ass beating..

I don't have much time, at the MIL's house. Logan was diagnosed with Venticular Septum Defect. In short, there is a hole in the muscle wall (septum) dividing his two ventricles (lower heart chambers). Oxygenated blood is forced through the hole into the unoxygenated blood heading to the lungs. This causes the heart stress since some of the blood is already oxygenated, causing heart enlargement and high blood pressure in the lungs.

Logan is lucky, the hole is small enough that he *should* not have any of those issues, or failure to thrive, which would have shown up at birth. We go back in one year, if the hole has not closed on it's own, or has gotten any larger, he will need open heart surgery.

I am so thankful that this is the only problem. I saw a lot of sick babies on friday. Logan was a little pro!!! He actually fell asleep during the ultrasound of his heart. It was amazing to watch his heartbeat in real time.

Thanks to all who sent warm wishes, we are all doing great. Hope to get back on here again, Im getting a little stir crazy with all these thoughts and no outlet!! :p

The Dr Logan went to today (not a specialist) said he did hear a heart murmer, and it does NOT sound like the kind of murmer kids normally grow out of. We have our big appointment on friday.

Now I keep going over the possibility of open heart surgery. Im not freaked out, yet.. I will allow myself to flip out friday, either in a total-mom-spaz way, or in a good 6-pack to myself way.

:/

The Midwifery Today confrence is in Ann Arbor this may. I can't go because even the cheapest admission price is over $140.. Thats 2 electric/gas bills. Not gonna happen...

Im not super upset, even though everyone who is anyone in the birth arena will be present....*sigh* There were only two classes I wanted to take, and the one I REALLLY wanted tot ake is given by a local herbalist who I've talked with.... When you go to her farm she says some of the girls smoke thier gifts.... LOL... Thats my kind of fucking inservice ;P

Im more upset that people who WANT to be midwives but are (like everyone in this state) poor will be detered from Midwifery.... This is why I WILL provide FREE services to fammilies in need, so help me goddess... ;) It's what I'm here for, and it feels SO good to have the information, finally :D

In other things... My spinach and arugla have poked thier little heads up :) My peas are about ready to transplant, and I have another mystery plant coming up near my swiss chard... We shall see!!!! My chives were big enough to use yesterday, MMMmmmMMM were they good eat'n!!! Im so excited to completley cover my plot with veggies and herbs, I feel the goodness just around the corner!! I've already done a crapload of work tearing down fences and old boxes, replacing them with new wood and plant stands... I even used power tools all by myself!!! Im getting to be SUCH a big girl!!! (LMAO)

I have an old school 60's 35mm camera I've been playing with, as soon as I get some stuff developed I will pass them along!! :)

Logan had a massive asthma attack on sunday. I had never been so scared over his breathing before. I think I could teach a course on speeding through a downtown area without crashing or getting pulled over..srsly..

While we were at the hospital they "discovered" a heart murmer. Yeah.. When they started asking all the questions they would normally ask about murmers, a lot of things fell into place... Always being the last in line when we go on day hikes, even when his breathing is fine, what I thought was just a 3 year old sitting down and playing (during the hikes) was actually him taking a break because of the strain..

He has an appointment on the 18th with the pediatric cardiologista at UofM.. Best of the best. I freaked out for about an hour, then I realized that he is ahusky, otherwise healthy boy who has never had an issues with turning blue or having any other imparments that could have come along with this. Im ok with what is happeneing, Im not even anxious for the 18th. He is my big love and everything will be alright, it always is :)

I have a work review tomorrow. Yikes. those are ALWAYS a great time ;) Things around the office have improved, and I know more about myself and my shortcomings, which I plan to talk about tomorrow. I feel good about it :)

Slept with my Tarot cards under my pillow last night, figured it was time for al ittle "recharge".. If I didn't have the most F'd up dreams!!!! LOL!!!! They are going to do a little sun/moon bathing for the next day or so, then we will try again ;)

I hope everyone on my list is doing wonderfull.... We hope to be connected this summer, but the longer we go without internet the less I miss it..

Have I mentioned that I am learning how to play the piano? Im pretty damn good if I do say so myself, lol, for being self taught anyway ;)

Enjoy this lovely spring weather!!!

Caught my first baby this morning. I have never been so happy while covered in blood/poo at the same time.

I love my job. :D

It's 50 out, ohh yeahhhh!!!!! We went to the park on the river this afternoon. We were all having a great time, except for the start up low back pain of course ;)

As I'm reading about the summer mudpuppy program my phone rings. The person on the other end is Lisa, the lot manager of everyones home. She starts going OFF about the water meter "somone tampered with".. Uhh, ok.

I am being very nice, trying to explain that we made phone calls to the city, never heard back, we've not once recieved a water bill from the office even though we have asked for one 4 times, etc..

Lisa then says "Well, they (the city) are replacing the meter right now, but Im turning the water off until I sort out how much the bill will be, probably hundreds of dollars."

I clarify, "So you're telling me that even though the water meter will be fixed, we won't have any water?"

Lisa "Yes! I don't know if I feel comfortable with you having water seeing as you haven't been paying the bill."

(Oh fuck no. I don't even remember where I was at this point, I could have been in the river. Keep in mind this is 5 minutes into the conversation where I've played "nice")

Mommy "And WHO are you again? You're telling me that because YOU don't feel comfortable, my 4, 3 and 2 year old children are going to be without running water?! There was no malice here lady! The pipes broke and we fixed them when no one else would. THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME, I WILL TALK TO YOU AGAIN WHEN THE WATER IS BACK ON!!"

Oh sweet god above, we headed home, I was prepared to punch this `tard in the mouth. Not only was she acting like she had some say in what would happen, she was, like, the biggest bitch EVAR. I had been moody all day, she totally got to see the bitchiest side of me, and it.felt.good. (lol)

We got home, no one was there. The meter was fixed AND THE WATER WAS ON. You're god-damn right it was. I was tempted to walk my bloated ass down to the office and laugh at her. Moron.

So yeah, other than being bloated, crampy, and still edgy, I had a good time...lol...Been a while since I chewed someone out, especially someone who thought they could shame or scare me into a corner... Hag. lol :P

IT'S A GIRL IT'S A GIRL!!!! My brother FINALLY fucked something up in a GOOD way!!!! LOL!!!! Can you tell Im coming out of my skin excited!?!?!??!? Im already picking out girlie slings for ME to use with her, LMFAO!!!! Oh don;t get it twisted, she will SOOOOO be a part of the "tribe" ;)

In other news, we are not dead, everything has worked out with the living situation, we got a new case worker who has called like twice a week really working to help us out. It's a very nice change of pace.

We all just got over a real nasty 36 hour puke bug. No fun, but we made it :)

I also just got my FOR REAL MW student package with all my matching BP cuff, stethoscope, changable head, fetoscope, gloves etc, and NOW I get to pick out an honest to goodness BIRTH BAG!!! WEEEEEEEE!!!!! :D

So, yeah, Scott is tired of hearing me squeal!!! LOL!!! Happy tuesday everyone!!!

So there is a new car made in India that sells for $2,500 brand new. Nice. It's only available in india and southeast asia right now.

We could use one ya know. I get so pissed off at the big 3 when I hear of all these other countries where you can buy a brand new car for $3,000. Fuck off ford.

People areound here get so pissy if you say anything bad about ford, gm or chrystler. Eat my ass. My family worked there, and I STILL wouldn't buy any one of those. Sorry if other countries make superior products with more MPG. Sorry if i don't want to support the fuckers that keep sending jobs overseas, leaving thousands jobless at a time...*grumble*

I guess Im just annoyed that there is no way we can take advantage of a car that was made specifically for people in our situation... We are at the mercy of Scott's grandmother who has been carless for her grandchildren for months now.

In other news... We may have water tomorrow. Scott bought some metal glue that can fix a cracked engine block. We shall see. If not, I have been obsessing on some home power mags that show you how to make a sand/UV filter for rainwater that will cost about $50. We have always palnned on living off the grid, it now looks like this is the time to do it. I've already been hauling in pails of water to flush the toilet, and honestly, I kind of like it..LOL...

I don't know if it's my inner hillbilly coming out, or if its the feeling of accomplishment and independance, but I dig it ;) (inner hillbilly as in I was born in OK and my entire parental side of the family lives in BFE MO)..

Maybe with our tax returns we will buy some used solar panels and do it up for real ;) I already know how to rig up an exercise bike to run a washer/dryer.. Don't think I won;t do it!!! :D

It also has shown me just how much water we waste as americans. It took almost an entire gallon of water to wash a couple of dishes because i was using petroilium based soap and was used to a continuious stream of water.. Ah well, at least now I know and will try to implement this in future water usage... Alright, someone is DEMANDING the titty.. ;)

Ok, I TRIED to read my F-list updates, but it seems this copmputer hates all of you. (lol)

Things are alright over here. Bored, getting ready to go on vacation. If any of you live near warrenton VA, let me know and we will have to neet up!!!

Got new glasses. No one likes them.. I call them "Granny-Chic".. I on the other hand fucking LOVE THEM.... But I would.

Ok people are starting to get antsy... I dont think the extra large Mocha helps with my "library computer" paranoia ;)

Hope you all had a lovely thanksgiving. I spent mine some-what drunk making fun of everyone... ABout damn time ;P

So Im at the library killing time between the end of my shift and Scott's... Figured I would jump on the internet and see what's going on...

Uhh yeah... Someone smells like 5 o'clock vodka, Im practically sitting on the person next to me, and I can also tell that the person across from me had something curried recently...

I feel like everyone in here can read all of this.... *sigh* I miss my internet :(

On the bright side I have been watching more physics videos, and I think Scott and I are going to attempt to get into dark matter/energy. Should keep my brain busy for a while :)

Well, Im going to go bleach my hands, this keyboard is HELLA-greasy (lmao!!) Srsly though...

but barely. oh god Im so bored all day everyday!!!

I only have a few secs, but I did get a library card so I plan on catchin up with people and posting in the next few days.

Hope everyone is doing well, miss all of you!!!

I need fruit loops.

For the first 3 months of all my pregnancies that was all I could eat. They tasted the same going down as they did coming back up. Fruit flavored sugar, it's always a good time.

I'm not preggers, I am so hung over I could die. I feel like my stomach has a certain time in mind but doesn't want to share... Everyone likes a surprise, right!? (asshole stomach)

A girlfriend I haven't seen since Ashurs birth came up from ohio to visit last night. We rented movies we had already seen, I thought we'd drink a couple beers and catch up. *sigh* I lost count after beer #6...

I do remember having a good time, she left a little after 1am.. Scott and I were having a good time, then all of a sudden we started to debate each other, which led to an all out war lasting until 3 something.

I smacked a floor lamp (thanks Dad) sending my hand through the shade and breaking the bulb with my fingertips.... I now have a pea-sized chunk of flesh missing from the pad of my middle finger....

I'm sure it was an awesome sight.. Stephine kneeling next to the toilet, one hand covered in blood, making a mess of the floor, at the same time trying to fashion a bandage out of a kleenex and medical tape, never stopping the argument.
H.O.T

*sigh*
Now I'm trying to get bites of peanut buttered toast down so I can have some coffee. My head is killing me, we have nothing to take for it...*shakes head*

I have no one to blame but myself. I knew that I had to take care of the Babies all day today, I knew we would have nothing if I woke up with a migraine, and I knew that I have rage issues-drinking only helps that ya know? (lol)

Sweet mother of god.... At least it's snowing out, I don't feel so guilty about just laying around...
yikes...

Mel Gibson is a sadist.

We watched apocalypto last night..

First of all, they place you in "the twilight of the Mayan civilization".... Uhmm, that’s false.

Everything about the culture portrayed in the movie was AZTEC. There IS a difference, you Jew hating asshole.

Some people (myself included) watched the movie because (at one point) they had a slightly unhealthy obsession with Mesoamerican cultures....
I wanted to see what it could have looked like. I didn't want to watch a movie that mixed all the ancient "brown" civilizations together.

On top of that, I have to watch Gwar-like special effects?

The movie Braveheart-War, blood, guts, death.... A man is strapped to a table at the end of the movie and publicly disemboweled..... The Patriot-War, blood, guts, death....Passion of the Christ-A man is whipped, beaten, and at the end of it all nailed to a cross and left to die a horrible death in public..
This movie-blood, death guts, gore, war, and least of all, PEOPLE BEING LAID OUT UPON AN ALTER HAVING THEIR HEARTS CUT OUT, THIER SEVERED HEADS AND BODIES TOSSED DOWN THE PYRAMID INTO A PILE OF ROTTING CORPSES.

Don't get me wrong, I was expecting some gore, just not constant scenes of rape, mutilation, torture, people burning alive....Give me a fucking break. I thought I was renting a movie about ancient peoples, not a snuff film...

So yeah.... In other news, I may be without internet for a bit, call my cell if you need me (734) %0@-8593

I think we should write him a letter and ask him to get some help, srsly. Is it right to sit by and watch a man go crazy?

When I decided to actively lose weight I thought that coming up with a "prize" would help motivate me. It didn't, lol. I had to lose it at my own pace I guess, BUT, that never negated awarding myself once the weight was lost.

I get to go to VA and spend a 4 day weekend with my Rachel Jean!!! WoOt!!!

Im so excited to see her, AND feel good about meeting all of her younger childless friends. Im SO going dancing while Im down there!!!! :D

I will probably go down the first real weekend in dec. Turkey traffic will be over and it's still to early for x-mas. It's also SUPER cheap airfare.

Maybe this will help me realize my ideal body shape. The scale is my friend, it's just the damn lackofmuscletoneyoujustlost30pounds look Im not digg'n on these days.

There may always be something I want to change, I don't know how I will feel down the road. I do know that Im not completely happy with my body right now, and I have the power to change it. Either through exercise, or becoming more accepting of how I look after having three children.

I think for a former anorexic with body-image issues Im doing pretty damn well, If I do say so myself ;)

The rules are easy, just post 6 things that recently made you happy! Then tag 6 people and have them to post this meme on their LJs. Because it is good. Everyone needs a little happiness once in a while!

1) I bought size 7 jeans!!! Did I mention they are a size 7!!!!
2) We have a babysitter for all three kids until tomorrow evening, holy-jesus!!!
3)Cassandra is here!!!
4) I feel pretty
5) Matt and Kim sound great!!!!
6) Im going to play downtown!!!

I don't tag people, but you should do it, it makes you feel good!!!

Scott's Mom picked up all three of the kids at 1pm. We don't ha ve to pick them up until tomorrow evening... WTF am I supposed to do with myself?!!?!?

Right now Scott is napping, and the house is clean... MMMmmmm.. I'm so confused!!!! There are a lot of things I SHOULD be doing...Reading my MW books.. Taking a walk... Sit ups.... But I don;t WANT to do any of those things ;)

Tonight Cassandra is supposed to come out. Either way I am getting shit-faced drunk. I have not drank in MONTHS. There is no one due, I have no children, AND I will be able to sleep any hangover off in the morning. I also think that if I drink enough I won't feel my boobs leaking later this evening.. LOL...

I think Im going to throw on some Bird and the Bee, pluck my eyebrows, take a long shower, and make myself purdy.. :)

Have I mentioned that I just bought size 7 jeans!!!!! I havent been a size 7 since I was a couple months along with Aiden, almost 5 years ago... Yea stress from 3 babies!!!!! (LOL!!)

Ok, it's pretty time!!!!!